The Titular Devil, With Hand

The Titular Devil, With Hand

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Poetry Corner---On Her Majesty's Secret Service

I always thought it was a terrible problem that the theme for On Her Majesty’s Secret Service didn’t have lyrics, so I made up some, which I’m posting here. If you feel moved to sing them aloud, you should do it in a whiny nasal northeastern accent, and when you come to the words chick and tit, you should pronounce them with as much aching never-to-be-assuaged horniness as possible. Here goes:

James Bond
He comes from across the pond
All hot chicks
Of James Bond are really fond
He can shoot
Even when he’s on skis
And he does it with

He’s the guy
Who parachutes from the sky
When he lands
He foils the Master Plan
Blofeld flees on his little monorail
When Bond breaches their sanctums
Cat-fancying scumbags all bail!

James Bond
License to ki-hi-hill!
With other guys
Footing the bill!
He gets to buy drinks
And he gets to dri—ink them!

He’s one Brit
Who takes not a bit of shit
He trots the world
And sees more than one great tit.
In outer space
Or deep underneath the sea
James Bond is the man-god that
This itchy git want to be!

James Bond
James Bond
James Bond

The Pond
The Pond
The Pond

James Bond
James Bond
James Bond

Double-O Seven!

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